I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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