oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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