Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer

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(443): View more from Maryland

she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.

Fav 16 6008 1374
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(828): View more from North Carolina

after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."

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(914): View more from New York

It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional

Fav 2 823 2348
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.

Fav 16 4342 1196
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(+61): View more from Australia

For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays

Fav 3 1192 710
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.

Fav 4 1005 946
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...

Fav 1 30 53
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.

Fav 0 44 13
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