Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
