The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
