He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
