exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Blood and glitter go together right?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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