Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
