I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize