Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
