Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
