Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize