do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
