I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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