in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
