did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize