Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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