you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
