I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
