i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
