u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
