Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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