I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
