i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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