Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
