Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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