walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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