I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
