I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
