I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
