Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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