If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
