there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
