I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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