well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
