FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
