I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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