Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
