it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just saw a hot homeless man
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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