I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
