After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
