So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
