New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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