You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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