You just made me feel so damn special
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
