moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I look better un-naked...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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