I just saw a hot homeless man
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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