Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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