you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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