Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize