his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
