Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
