One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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