he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
