shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize