that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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