9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
