I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
