I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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