i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I've blown a few things in my day
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
