soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
