she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
