She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
